


Of Tears and Penguins

by Purplemagicmermaid



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 132 Spoilers, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hange Zoe is tired, Hange Zoe is trying to hard, Hange Zoë & Levi Are Best Friends, Levi is not that bad at feelings, Manga Spoilers, Maybe not much comfort, Minor mention of a panic attack, Spoilers of Chapter 132, THERE ARE MANGA SPOILERS OF CHAPTER 132, a lot of thoughts, but he is trying, hange zoe is good at reading feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:02:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26343067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplemagicmermaid/pseuds/Purplemagicmermaid
Summary: Doing what she learned to do all her life, handling the vertical maneuvering equipment like it was another limb, and dedicate her heart.(Or, the way that I'm copping with the 132 manga spoilers)SPOILERS OF THE CAP 132
Relationships: Levi & Hange Zoë, Levi/Hange Zoë
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	Of Tears and Penguins

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [De lágrimas y Pinguinos](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312125) by [Purplemagicmermaid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplemagicmermaid/pseuds/Purplemagicmermaid). 



> 1\. There are spoilers of the cap 132, please if you don´t read the manga and you don´t want to be spoiled please don´t read it.  
> 2\. I didn´t put the tag of "Major Character death" bc that would be an spoiler, so I decided not to do it.  
> 3\. This is my first fic in English, so, probably there will be grammatical mistakes, or typos, so, If you saw something weird please tell me, I will really apreciate it. (a friend is going to help me with that, but I have to wait a little bit)

Hange watches the sea. Since the first time her sight laid on the enormous mass of water, it has never ceased to fascinated her.

Countless hours were spent surrounded by books about the ocean, about the creatures that lived in there. Books that came from Marley, or from the hidden shelves of the nobles on Mitras that Queen Historia made bring for her. Paragraphs about the cetaceans, fish and turtles. In particular, animals from cold climates were her favorites, the penguins stole her heart, in spite from only saw them in draws, or in really wear photos that Onyankopon gave her.

She felt bad, but she wasn’t ready to admit that. The impossibility of not knowing more about the world outside the island made her heart ache. There was so much knowledge out there, but there was not enough time for her to explore it. Sometimes, she felt the injustices of life more vividly. Of all the possible worlds, she had to be born in one that had this big ass problem of titans, paths, and magical gods.

She spends four years under a role that was to big for her, or maybe not big, but different. Instead of enjoy the crumbs of knowledge and wisdom, she spent her days trying to figure out the politics of an Island and the world.

Even if Erwin’s words were fresh in her mind, his trust in her person and Levi’s support through the years, she couldn’t avoid to feel resentful, heartbroken and deception.

She could not talk with Levi yet.

Now, she may never get the chance.

Nor that did she wish to do so. She had no strength left, she felt her body heavy and a conversation like that would destroy both of them. She would not remember anything after she die, but he will remember it and would break his mind. And she wouldn’t be there to help him to understand his feelings and his thoughts. 

She preferred that their last deep conversation were those words spoken in the forest.

He knows that she would end sacrificing herself in the future, because, even it sounds to cruel, Levi is the one that had the super strength, the super senses, not her. Armin’s mind is incredible, and in the moment that he stops waiting and whine around the clouds of insecurity, he could make wonders. She was dispensable, Levi, Armin, Mikasa, and all of them not.

Also, she wasn’t naïve, this was a suicidal mission. Not only what she was about to do, but all the plans. Who in their sane mind would believe that they could stop thousands of colossal titans, beautiful by the way, with a troop of emotional unstable kids some of them with the ability of convert themselves into titans? To stop a child, because to her Eren still was a child, whose plan was unknow (or maybe she doesn’t want to accept that he wants to destroy the world)?

Hange wants to save the world, but also, she isn’t stupid.

Is just that, in the middle of the apocalypse, the most extreme decisions, the most turbulent thoughts made nest in her mind. She is going to defend the ideals that molded her, her personality, the ideals that they defended for years under a green cape that provided them hope.

that’s why, when she saw the destiny in front of her, sawing that probably there were more options she decides… No, she wants that, she wants to take that path. Doing what she learned to do all her life, handling the vertical maneuvering equipment like it was another limb, and dedicate her heart.

* * *

There are so many things that Levi doesn’t understand. And he wishes that this was one of them. He wishes not understand what is going on Hange mind, not knowing her and say that his chest doesn’t hurt when she goes. That it doesn’t bothers him how he is left behind again, how he is losing someone dear again, because life doesn’t have other way.

He wants to ignore that Hange, a little part of her is tired. To Ignore that there is not a happy ending, and she would do anything to save the Survey Corps and their legacy even if that mean her death. And that even if he desires to stop her, he can´t.

Because he would do the same in that situation.

He wants to do all of that, but he can´t. He understands her.

He understands every single one of them, and that’s why he let her go. Because, he wants to express all these feelings she read well, be selfish and beg her to stay, but he can´t. There is something bigger than them, because there is no exit even if they want to think there is. Because love, friendship, camaraderie are relegated when they have to stop someone that wants to destroy, if he hasn´t already done so, the entire world.

His chest was burning and he felt a lump in his throat. Anxiety, panic, his mind answer him to the feelings that he know how to identify thanks to her, he wants to repress everything, but a voice in his mind, in a very Hange tone, says to him “ _You have to acknowledge your feelings, not repress them, Le- vi”_

He doesn’t give a single fuck the psychological therapy that was provided by the shitty four eyes, not when she was the one falling from the sky. He didn’t want to make the soulless questions that came as intrusive thoughts this time. He doesn’t want to think in the pain that she felt, or the excitement, knowing her.

He already lost to much.

He lost everything.

And while the screams and the tears of the 104th trope, the waterfall under the eyes of Mikasa, the howls of whom now was his Commander were his soundtrack, Levi’s eyes burned, and he really wants to cry, because the sentimental idiot that Hange is... no, is not "is" anymore, was, deserved it.

But he can´t.

Not now.

Not tomorrow, or even years after. If he survives, but in his insides, he hopes not.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm right now sad, and heartbroken. Hange is my favorite character of shingeki, she was one of the main reasons why I continue to watching the anime and late reading the manga.
> 
> And with the spoilers, and all that surrendered her death (the way she said goodbye) is just magical (and sad).
> 
> Hange was the tipe of person who I felt identify, a person of science, and that's amazing. Normally, my comfort characters came in a difficult time of my life (for example, Sakura Kinomoto, Scully, Izuku, Bakugo, Ash Lynx) in Wich they provide me a better look of what's going on. And Hange has an special place in my heart for that.
> 
> I'm not gonna lie, I was expecting her death (or Jean's) but even if I was preparing myself mentally, that doesn't mean that doesn't hurt.
> 
> So here is my way to say Hange Zoe goodbye, to thank her as a character and mourning her death.


End file.
